This Permit Practice Was A Little Premature

Vadym Zaitsev/Shutterstock

This Permit Practice Was A Little Premature

"I was driving down the freeway the other day, and there was a semi swerving all over the road. I stayed a bit behind him because his driving was making me nervous.

Eventually, I worked up the courage to pass him and there was quite clearly a 3-year-old sitting in the trucker's lap, holding the steering wheel."

He Was So Sure He'd Have To Report A Fatality

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He Was So Sure He'd Have To Report A Fatality

"I looked over to the car on my left while waiting in traffic and saw an older gentleman was driving this very well kept Buick. He looked agitated and angry at the amount of traffic. I could relate to that, I guess. Anyways, he saw me looking at him and just kinda glared at me for two minutes. I looked away but I could FEEL his stare. It was eerie. I looked back and he had a bottle of pills in his hand. He then ATE THE ENTIRE BOTTLE OF PILLS. I was stunned at this point.

He started to go a little nuts and then passed out...So there I was, looking at this guy who just offed himself. I was terrified and started scrambling for my phone, which was conveniently placed in my crotch, which then led to me crotch-punching myself in the scramble. I was about to call an ambulance when he sat straight up and started laughing at me."

Lewd, Crude, And Way Too Rude
Lewd, Crude, And Way Too Rude

"My father put together several crews of oilfield 'Rough necks.' Needless to say, these are not always the classiest gentlemen.

So one day he got a call from the police. They'd pulled over a crew (five of his people) and wanted to charge them with public lewdness. They were holding up two different signs to cars at red lights. Apparently one said, 'WILL YOU SIT ON MY FACE?' and had a crudely drawn woman straddling a head. On the other sign, they drew some lady parts on, poked a hole in it, and would tongue the hole when women would pay attention to them. The crew had sworn that they were on their way to work etc, so the officer wanted to verify all that they were saying.

Very classy men."

A Light Snack For The Road?

Master1305/Shutterstock

A Light Snack For The Road?

"I was once in a car getting a lift to football with a friend and his dad. We stopped at a traffic light, and looked in the car next to us. Some guy in the passenger seat in the car over was sat with both fingers up his nose. He noticed we were looking, turned and gave us the most evil grin I've ever seen, took his fingers out of his nose and put them in his mouth.

England is messed up."

He's Seen A Few Crazy Drivers

Alexandra Rotanova/Shutterstock

He's Seen A Few Crazy Drivers

"Two times I've seen some crazy driving. One time, I was on the highway doing about 65 when a car passed me in the fast lane. The driver was reading a newspaper in such a way that he could not see the road ahead of him. He would just peek over the top of the paper once in a while.

Another time, I was at a stoplight and the girl in the lane next to me was changing her top, no bra. After she changed, she saw that I had been watching, blew me a kiss and waved as she drove off."

The Innovation Here Is Outstanding

ArtOfPhotos/Shutterstock

The Innovation Here Is Outstanding

"I saw a guy cook breakfast on his dashboard.

He had one of those electric skillets on his dashboard and was cooking pancakes, bacon, and eggs while driving."

That'd Be The Last Time I Drove That Guy Anywhere

Carolina K. Smith MD/Shutterstock

That'd Be The Last Time I Drove That Guy Anywhere

"I had a friend that was driving his other friends home after they had been drinking. My friend had only had one drink so he was fine to drive. One of the passengers had decided it would be a good idea to bring a road drink with him, and when he was finished, he figured it would be a better idea to launch the bottle out the window since it's illegal to have open containers in the car.

A word of advice. When you're going to do something stupid like throwing a bottle out a window, make sure that you aren't in front of a police station.

Anyway, so this guy hurled the bottle out the window while they happened to be driving by a police station. My friend got pulled over and thanks to his friends telling him that he should refuse the breathalyzer (he did have a whole drink after all), he was given a drinking and driving charge."

That Call Literally Got Dropped

kikovic/Shutterstock

That Call Literally Got Dropped

"I once rolled up to the lights where a man's hands were full holding a smoke in one hand and a cell phone in the other. So occupied with his phone call, he didn't move when the light turned green.

The car behind him eventually beeped and gave the man such a fright, he threw his cell phone out the window and sped off."

He Marches To The Beat Of His Own...Trumpet?
He Marches To The Beat Of His Own...Trumpet?

"There was that one time I saw someone playing a trumpet in traffic."

Things Went From Negative To Positive Real Quick
Things Went From Negative To Positive Real Quick

"The best thing I've seen on the road was in standstill, hour-long traffic near Disney World. It was a car full of quite angry people visibly arguing intensely.

They paused their argument only to pull out some weed and a bowl, smoke it all together, and proceed to seemingly completely forget what they were arguing about. They just laughed and rolled down their windows to talk to strangers in the cars next to them until the traffic moved on."

They Settled For A Room On Wheels

Kekyalyaynen/Shutterstock

They Settled For A Room On Wheels

"I was going to a concert one night, Eric Clapton, with my entire family. My dad is a huge Clapton fan and as we approached the city, my dad just quietly swear. Now, he is not a man that swears a lot so we all knew there was something seriously amiss. He pointed over to the car next to us, and I should probably point out we were in a large Yukon, so we could all see what was happening.

A middle-aged woman was giving her husband road head. We saw them JUST as they finish and she sat back up and looked over to our car. At first, she was freaked out and then she just smiled this huge toothy smile, flipped us off and then they drove past us...this was all in city traffic."

He Was Just Trying To Enjoy His Day

View Apart/Shutterstock

He Was Just Trying To Enjoy His Day

"I was at a red light next to a guy in Miami a few years ago. We both had our windows down and I noticed a skunky smell coming from his way. I thought to myself that either somebody's having a party or someone forgot to do their shirt laundry. It was the guy next to me blazing up a fatty. He saw me staring at him.

All he said was, 'Hey man, it's not like it's smack, man.' I gave him a thumbs up."

The Traffic Jam Got A Lot More Interesting

bibiphoto/Shutterstock

The Traffic Jam Got A Lot More Interesting

"My friend and the men in his family were going to France as they have a house there. Because they're from England, they decided to, like most English people, drive down to Dover and get a ferry across to Calais.

So, they get to Dover and at the pay points (kinda like toll booths to get to the ferry) traffic is backed up for miles due to some problem at the port. At this point, people have been sitting around for like an hour but the traffic shows no sign of moving. My friend and his family are just talking, joking around, when they realize the car next to them is moving in a strange way. My friend nonchalantly moves nearer to the car to get a look at what was happening (most people had got out of their cars at this point). He sidles up to the car and sees that the windows are a little steamed up, he peers into the window and there's a couple furiously going at it in the back seat, butt bare, in the middle of thousands of cars and families.

So, naturally, my friend knocks on the window whilst everyone around them cheers and whatnot."

That Is NOT Where You Want To See Your Teacher

Patramansky Oleg/Shutterstock

That Is NOT Where You Want To See Your Teacher

"When I was in high school, one weekend I took my girlfriend to get ice cream. In the car next to us we saw a male driver, no big deal.

Not but a few moments later, my history teacher's head came up out of his lap and she wiped her mouth onto her sleeve. Pretty hilarious turn of events for that Monday."

This Midnight Showing Shouldn't Be Shared

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This Midnight Showing Shouldn't Be Shared

"One night at 3 am, I was driving home with my brother. Out of nowhere, a minivan drove up next to us. I saw that the guy had a TV attachment connected to his windshield (pretty sure those are illegal). I just thought that is was odd but I kept driving.

Suddenly, my brother started screaming, 'Holy moly, this guy's watching an adult film!' The weird part was that he kept driving right next to my car for a good while so we could watch with him."

None Of These Boys Were Too Bright

silverkblackstock/Shutterstock

None Of These Boys Were Too Bright

"Once I was hammered in the passenger seat of my friend's car being driven home after a night out. He had a nice, fast car, no patience, and somewhat of a prick streak to him, so he didn't put up with anything on the road. He came up on someone in the fast lane going the speed limit, passed him, and then cut him off. The guy took exception, and we began to play 'freeway f you' at high speed - changing lanes, flipping the bird, riding each other's bumper, etc.

Finally, hammered me realized I had a little ammunition in the form of a half-consumed strawberry shake in a sack on the floor, so the next time we passed the guy on the right I took careful (hammered) aim, waited for just the right moment, and heaved the cup past my friend's nose and out the driver's side window at dude. Except the driver's side window was closed. My buddy somehow kept control of his car, reached over and hit me in the nuts, and spent the rest of the drive home telling me what a stupid idiot I was."

Falling Asleep At The Wheel Is More Dangerous Than You Thought

Africa Studio/Shutterstock

Falling Asleep At The Wheel Is More Dangerous Than You Thought

"I've heard a few stories from some of my friends.

The first one happened to my brother's friend. He had a job where he had to get up before the sun was up and commute for about an hour in a pretty cold state. His car's heater was broken, too, so he got a sleeping bag and cut arm and leg holes in it.

So he's rolling down the freeway and falls asleep, since it's so snug and warm. He wakes up a few seconds later going over the berm in the middle of the road and coming down the other side - straight into the side of a semi-trailer going the other way.

Police arrive, he's hit his head and is way out of it. Still wearing a sleeping bag with arms and legs cut out.

The other one is similar, but I heard it from a guy while I was backpacking a few years ago.

This guy called Gormo had a long commute, too, and would get bored and start to fall asleep at red lights. To fight this, he took to wanking off to keep his eyes open. Now, you don't want spunk all over your car before you get to work, so he had to have a way to keep it clean.

Hence the spunk sock! So, he'd beat it into the sock every day. He never cleaned it though, and eventually, it got so crusty on the inside that while he was driving, he cut his junk on the crust and swerved into a parked car. The ambulance arrived and his junk was bleeding. How do you explain that?

The craziest thing I've seen myself is a guy reading a book. It's like, wait a few minutes until your destination, mate."

He Was A Hazard To Everyone, And This Guy Wasn't Having It

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He Was A Hazard To Everyone, And This Guy Wasn't Having It

"I was driving late at night behind a car going weirdly inconsistently fast. He'd go he speed limit, then 15 under, then 5 under, then 5 over and he was also swerving a lot. I thought it might be an inebriated driver. We got to a left turn and both were going left. He took 5 seconds after the light went green to turn, and turned very, very slowly and awkwardly into the far right lane.I went into the left lane and went up next to him to see if he was hammered or dying or whatever and if I needed to call the police. In the process, he swerved into my lane and almost smashed right into me.

Dude had a full suitcase in his lap, opened up against the steering wheel, and was sorting through/reading papers from it. While driving. I rolled down my window and shouted, 'WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?'

He jumped like he'd been sitting in silence and a train drove through his house or something, startled like freaking crazy, looked over at me, and was breathing really heavily. He slowed down and turned onto a side street that I am pretty sure he didn't intend to go down.

I kind of think he might've had a heart attack. He shouldn't have been driving."

That's An Awkward Ending

WAYHOME studio/Shutterstock

That's An Awkward Ending

"When I lived in Boston, I was driving with three friends on Storrow Drive (parkway that hugs the river) and got stuck in pre-Fenway Red Sox traffic on the way to the game.We were just creeping along behind a green Ford Aerostar van for about 10 minutes before I noticed that they had one of those video monitors built into the ceiling above the rearview (this was a few years ago before dealers were offering these regularly). I noticed the van was completely full, and something was playing on the monitor. I scrunched down out of curiosity and boredom to see what it was, and realized it was a hardcore adult film with two guys and a girl, with a sausage fest of eight guys all calmly watching this while they waiting out the traffic to get to the ballpark. Upon mentioning this to my friends, all three of them scrunched down to get a view of it as well.

So now there's two carloads of guys watching all of this in traffic. We wound up following the van all the way to Fenway, and they turned into the same parking lot we did. It was the most awkward staring contest/silence ever ensued when we all piled out and headed into the game."

A Couple Of Reckless Bigots

CREATISTA/Shutterstock

A Couple Of Reckless Bigots

"I once saw a member of the Australian Nazis (sort of a biker group I've seen driving around in a few states here) on his bike, with a little person as his passenger. The little person was only in his underwear and he had the words 'Australian Nazis' painted on his back, like the jackets the others wore. Turned and gave me the thumbs up as we drove past.

It was definitely weird. I hope to god they didn't crash because who the heck gets on a motorbike without wearing as much covering as possible, and expects to survive an accident?"

A Girls Gotta Do What A Girls Gotta Do

David Tadevosian/Shutterstock

A Girls Gotta Do What A Girls Gotta Do

"I saw a woman, traveling at least 65 on the highway. She decided to start changing her entire outfit from her work suit to jeans and a blouse.

She managed to do all of this while steering and never slowing down once."

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