Some families on vacation can best be described as ticking time bombs. These families often focus more on gaining an upper hand on other travelers and gaming the nonexistent system rather than just enjoying themselves and the time they get to spend with each other. Spoiler alert, these vacations never end well for them. Oftentimes, it’s a result of their own entitlement projected on some random local or another traveler who “ruined their vacation.”
No one knows these families better than our friend, “John,” who lives in a popular island tourist destination in North Carolina. John was in his mid-twenties and lived in a two-story house about a hundred yards from the beach with the upstairs rented out to four college-aged guys. There were five people living in the house but the driveway could only fit four cars. This meant someone either had to park in the grass or in a paid spot for the beach. Thankfully, the city gave locals a pass to park in some of the paid spots as long as they could prove they paid bills. John would typically leave for work around eight o’clock in the morning after his upstairs neighbors had all left for the day and got home around five o’clock after most of the tourists had left the beach, so he never had issues finding parking and happily volunteered to park in one of the paid spots using his pass to give his upstairs neighbors the driveway.
One Summer morning, John was leaving the house to go to work and as usual, the paid parking lots were already almost completely full. As he was crossing the street to the beach parking lot, John saw a minivan pull into his driveway and park smack-dab in the middle of it.
“Try It And See”
Out stepped a standard, preppy-dressed dad in a polo shirt and unironically wearing a visor. He was shortly followed by an equally snobby-looking wife and three screaming kids. John had never seen these people before and had a feeling they weren’t friends of his upstairs neighbors either. John decided to approach the minivan in his driveway and see what was going on.
He walked up and asked the dad, “Excuse me, do you know the tenants upstairs or have permission to park here?”
The mom interjected, “It doesn’t matter, no one is parked here. Kayleigh, Carleigh, and Bayleigh have to get to the beach.”
This mom one hundred percent has “Live. Laugh. Love.” signs plastered around her house. I can’t imagine the level of entitlement it takes to consider an empty driveway free game for parking. Also, I feel like her response clearly gives away they neither know the tenants upstairs or have permission to park there. Very slick, Hayleigh.
John retorted, “There are five people living here, including myself. We need to be able to park.”
The mom responded, “Oh, so where is your car if you here then?”
John said, “In a spot over there because I have a pass,” and gestured toward his car.
The dad decided to interject, “Don’t lie to us. You’re here just the same as us and upset because we know how to park for free.”
John responded, “I’m not lying, dude. It’s eight o’clock in the morning and I’m wearing my work uniform.”
The mom snapped, “We don’t need to listen to you. We’re going to park and you can do whatever you want. My children have to go to the beach. You’re ruining our vacation so go away.”
Meanwhile, their kids were climbing on the fence and trees in John’s yard and running out into the street. Very attentive parenting.
John retorted, “Okay, I’ll just have you towed and you can deal with it later.”
The dad practically got nose to nose with John and shouted, “Try it and see. This isn’t your house. You’re just a little prick!”
Unfazed, John responded, “Okay, have a nice day.”
John walked to his car and waited until the mom, dad, and demon-spawns walked to the beach, thinking they had gamed the system. When they were out of eyesight, John walked back inside and started plotting.
John knew he was going to call a tow truck for the minivan, but the behavior of the mom and dad warranted more than just a standard towing. Then an idea struck him. John looked up a towing company on the other side of the town and called them.
John said, “Hello, I would like to report a car illegally parked on my property,” and gave his address.
The employee at the tow truck company responded, “Umm, sir, that’s an hour away.”
John said, “Yeah, I’m not paying. That’s their problem.”
Satisfied with his answer, the employee responded, “Okay, we’ll be there in an hour and a half.”
Then John called his boss and said, “Hey, I’m not going to make it in today,” and explained the situation.
His boss was very easygoing and told him to keep him informed on what happened. It was around eleven o’clock by this point, so John decided to watch the minivan get towed, hang around the house, and enjoy his day off until the family got back from the beach.
I imagine this is how all bosses in beach towns are, “Oh, you can’t make it because of another entitled tourist? Alright, let me know how they embarrass themselves!”
Around three o’clock in the afternoon, John heard a very aggressive knocking on his door. He could have just ignored the knocking and let the family find their minivan on their own, but some situations call for grave-dancing. John thought, ‘This is going to be fun.’
“Can I Help You?”
John answered the door, holding a drink with a big grin on his face, and asked, “Can I help you?”
The dad immediately began shouting, “You! Where is our van?! How did you get in here?!”
Pretending like he just remembered, John responded, “Oh yeah, here’s the card. I had it towed across town. That’s going to be a fun cab ride,” and shut the door in his face.
There was more angry knocking and yelling from outside. John decided to continue the grave-dancing.
As a society, I feel like we need to implement more taunting when dealing with super entitled people. They typically do a great job of embarrassing themselves but we could be doing a lot more in terms of letting them know how dumb they look. I’m a big fan of John doubling down on rubbing the fact his minivan was towed in Chad’s face.
John opened the door, grinning, and said, “Yes?”
The dad, now screaming, “You better get us your van back! I’m going to kick your rear end! I’ll have you arrested,” and tried to shove his way inside the house.
John calmly responded, “Get out of my house. Calling the cops isn’t going to change anything,” then managed to shove the man out the door and close it on him.
There was an angry knocking on the door for about twenty more minutes. Then John saw blue lights outside followed by a very polite knocking on the door.
“This Is Ridiculous!”
As a result of living on the island year-round, John knew the majority of the locals, including the entire police department.
John answered the door and said, “Oh hey, ‘Grant,’ how’s it going?”
Grant responded, “Hey John, I can’t complain, but these people are claiming you stole their minivan and broke into this house.”
John responded, “No way, these people pulled into the driveway when I was leaving for work this morning, got an attitude with me, then walked to the beach saying I couldn’t do anything. I called ‘Luke’ on the other side of town to tow them. I gave them his card this afternoon and even offered to let them use my phone.”
The mom butted in, “He’s lying. He stole our car. I demand he be arrested!”
The dad stormed up behind Grant and shouted, “If you don’t arrest him I’ll have you fired! This is ridiculous!”
I don’t think someone having a car towed for being illegally parked in their driveway is a crime. Maybe demanding he be arrested will help? Or threatening to have the officer fired for not arresting someone for doing nothing illegal? Maybe we’ll get a, “Do you know who I am??”
Grant, a veteran of dealing with entitled vacationers, responded, “Sir, back up. I’m going to get this figured out.”
Unsatisfied with the response, the dad tried to shove past Grant to get into the house, and shouted, “This is ridiculous!”
This time, Grant pulled the dad out of the house, pressed him up against the side of the cop car, and said, “Sir, you are trespassing now.”
He turned to John and asked, “Would you like to press charges?”
John responded, “No but can you keep him in the car until they get a cab? This guy is a psycho.”
Grant responded, “Yeah but I mean I still have to get statements and everything.”
John gave his statement, went inside, and grabbed another drink from the refrigerator. He walked up the back steps to the second-floor porch where he could see the street and watched the dad stewing in the backseat of Grant’s car until the cab arrived.
As the cab and police car pulled away, one of his upstairs neighbors got home, and asked, “What was the deal with the prick in the visor outside?”
Nonchalantly, John responded, “Oh, some prick tried to use our driveway as free parking again.”
The family wasn’t the first to try to use their driveway as a free parking spot and they certainly wouldn’t be the last. John kept Luke’s contact information close by just in case another entitled tourist family wanted to try him again.
Thoughts From The Author
John is clearly an expert on dealing with entitled tourists. There is no chance this was the first minivan family to pull into his driveway thinking they were the first people ever to find a free beach parking spot. Although, it might have been the first with parents who questioned whether or not he lived in his house then proceeded to try to storm in through the front door after they had been rightfully towed. I’m proud of John for choosing pettiness because a grown man not named Guy Fieri wearing a visor clearly needs to be humbled and I hope this guy learned his lesson.
Honestly, I’m picturing this family and I’m surprised they didn’t pull up in a Tahoe or Suburban with Greek letters plastered on the back window. The dad sounds like a typical washed-up frat-star who met his wife at their SEC alma mater. Who in their right mind wears a polo shirt to a day at the beach? No one, that’s who. The thought of the unironic visor is still infuriating. He probably wore it backward with his male-pattern baldness popping out of the top thinking he was absolutely crushing it. However, he was only the pathetic enforcer for the most entitled person in this story, his wife. Don’t get me wrong, both the husband and wife suck equally when it comes to being decent human beings but someone clearly got the entitled ball rolling in this story. John walked up and merely asked a question then was basically met with, “Get away from us, bum, we’re on vacation.”
It takes a serious level of entitlement to accuse someone of lying about where they live. Why would John lie about where he lives? I know the dad wearing a polo to the beach is a crazy move but literally, no one is wearing their work uniform to the beach unless they are a lifeguard. He also pointed out his car which was already in a parking spot for the beach, which was closer to where the family was trying to go than the house. If they played their cards right they could have stumbled into prime beach parking. Also, who sees a driveway anywhere and is like, “Sweet, found my free parking spot.”