We're not even safe from Karens in our own homes!
No one knows where or when a Karen attack is going to occur, and that’s what makes them so scary. It can happen at the gym, a store or work, but the one place we should definitely be safe from a Karen is our own homes, right? Well, one man, “Jake,” found himself facing off against a Karen in the safety of his own home. This honestly might be the scariest attack of them all.
It all started when Jake was at his house, just trying to have a chill day. All of a sudden, a car came barreling into view and quickly pulled into Jake’s driveway. Jake wasn’t expecting anyone to visit today, who the heck was this lady? Maybe she was here for the party his neighbor was having, and since there was no more street parking available, Karen took the first spot she saw.
Before he had a chance to react and process what just happened, the Karen emerged from the car with her two young children. Jake’s mom immediately noticed and signaled to her son to go talk to the woman (was it because she was on the phone, or because she did not want to deal with the Karen? Honestly, both are reasonable).
Gathering the courage to have this unpleasant conversation (because when has a conversation with a Karen gone well?), Jake grabbed his shoes and headed out to face the horrors that awaited him.
“Excuse me,” Jake politely began.
Unfortunately for Jake, no amount of politeness would be able to quell this raging monster.
Snapping her head around, Karen looked Jake straight in the eye with the fury of a thousand suns. “What do you want?” she snarled at him.
Slightly taken aback by this rude response (but remember, this a Karen we’re dealing with here), Jake continued on with trying to reason with her. “This is my driveway, so do you min-” Jake began.
Oh no Jake, that was the wrong thing to say. But to be fair, there’s nothing one can really say to a Karen.
“So?” Karen rudely questioned.
“This is my driveway, so please move your car.” Jake continued, trying to keep things civil.
“But someone else already parked here, so why shouldn’t I be allowed to?” Karen whined.
“Lady, that is my car. This is my driveway. This is most certainly MY property,” Jake shot back. Imagine that, someone being allowed to park their own car in their own driveway? Shocking.
However, that’s not a concept this Karen was familiar with. If she wanted to park somewhere, why shouldn’t she be able to? She needed this spot and it was open, so clearly it should be hers. But for whatever reason, Jake did not seem to agree with her line of thinking!
“You don’t have the right to talk to me like that!” Karen screeched, channeling her inner banshee.
There it is, the ultimate Karen card.
Trying to remain calm and defuse the situation, Jake calmly pleaded for Karen to move her car once more. However, Karen was not willing to budge an inch. This was rightfully her spot, and she was going to keep it!
“I don’t wanna hear it!” Karen yelled. “Nobody was parked in this spot, therefore I am allowed to park here!”
In the midst of all this screaming and yelling, the poor children were cowering in the background. With a mother like this, they were most likely used to being in these situations. Pour one out for these poor kids. Let’s at least hope they see how horrific and embarrassing this behavior is, and grow up to be a more mature person than their mother ever could be.
Luckily, help was coming to save the day.
It was around this time Jake’s dad, “Clint,” arrived home. Clint was a police officer and was thus more than equipped to help handle this situation. Although, not in the way Karen expected.
“Hey, what’s going on here?” Clint asked as he saw this random woman and his son looking at each other with daggers.
“Hey, Dad!” Jake happily greeted, knowing this bizarre problem would soon have a solution.
“You’re his father?” Karen said in disbelief.
“Yes?” Clint said in confusion.
Karen: “This horrible child of yours won’t let me park here.”
Karen: “Did I stutter?”
Clint: “Uhh I was just making sure about what you said.”
Karen (whispers to herself): “Even his father is stupid.”
Clint: “I heard that.”
Clint: “Now, you’re telling me that my son won’t let you park here?”
Karen: “YES! Finally, you get it.”
Clint: “Ho- Hold on, lady. This is our driveway. Besides, did you even ask permission?”
Karen: “I didn’t need to.”
Clint: “Yes you do, but even if you do, we won’t let you.”
Karen: “Ugh, well then why not!?”
Clint: “Oh my gosh lady! This is our driveway! Not yours!”
Finally, something clicked in Karen’s mind. It took not one, but two people yelling at her for her to understand she was in the wrong. With her tail in between her legs, she quickly turned around and headed into the party with her kids. But of course, she didn’t move her car. Maybe it was one last “Forget you!” to Jake and Clint, or because she decided she didn’t want to waste her time talking to them anymore. No one truly knows what goes on inside the mind of a Karen.
Well, Clint and Jake decided they weren’t going to waste any more time either. So, they dialed up a tow truck to come over and remove her car. How did she react? Well, it was somehow even worse than before.
Stay tuned later this week for the grand finale in part two!