Sometimes these stories get overlooked. Men share the true stories of times a woman has made them feel really uncomfortable, or downright terrified. Stories slightly edited for clarity.
She Was Always There
“A good friend of mine was stalked by a girl in college during our Junior year. We were both resident assistants at the time, and he noticed that she would frequently show up in the same place he was at. She would be a couple tables away at the library, sitting a table behind him at the cafeteria, walk past the gym when he was working out, some really creepy stuff.
Then she started to get a little more bold. There’s a lobby outside of the residence life office, and she would sit there during his office hours, then follow him to class. Eventually she would come into the office and sit across from him in the waiting area while he was working on the computer. When he would ask what she needed she just said, ‘I just need a quiet place to sit.’
He got really weirded out after she sat there mute for a while and texted me to come hang out at the office with him. When I showed up she left after 10 minutes. My friend is a really tolerant person so he didn’t report her at first.
But then we noticed her Facebook posts. For weeks while she was stalking him she also wrote long books on Facebook about her adventures with her boyfriend. Strangely enough, her “boyfriend” had the same name has my friend did, and it was an uncommon name- we’ll call him Bartholomew. A lot of her stories were about places that he noticed she had been following him to. The worst post was about her being excited that Bartholomew was finally going to meet her parents when they came that weekend.
We took all of the evidence to our boss who was the head of Residence Life and later to the Department of Public Safety. The case was handed off to the Universities “care team” which dealt with extreme cases of depression, attempted suicides, and other mental health issues. She didn’t come back our Senior year, so not sure what happened to her.”
I Think I Might Kill You
“Yes, we met in a club. Was in the taxi back to hers and she said ‘when we get back I think I might kill you’. I was like ‘what do you mean?’ and she said ‘I think I might stab you with a knife when we get back to mine’.
As soon as the taxi pulled over at hers I told her to get out and get lost because she made me feel really uncomfortable. Her response was ‘are you being serious?! I wouldn’t actually kill you, I live with my brother.’
My animal instincts wanted me to go in with her and hopefully get some crazy foreplay and action, but the voice in the back of my head was telling me not to risk it because I have no idea who this girl is. So I told her to leave and got the taxi driver to take me home.
I asked the taxi driver if I was being stupid or not and he just said that he would have done the same thing because she sounded nuts.”
Maybe They Were Swingers?
“Many years back I was out with my coworkers for drinks, a very attractive older woman was hanging out with us. I did t think of it much since it seemed everyone knew her. As the night progressed she started becoming extra flirtatious and would grind on me, again didn’t think much of it until one of the doctors we worked with joined us.
Guess what? She’s his wife, and even though he was right there and I would politely move away from her, she continued to try and grind on me. It wasn’t a pleasant position to be in. Felt bad for the doctor.”
Under The Table Hanky Panky
“At a company dinner with some potential clients a wife of one of the clients had slipped out of her heels and had been running her foot up and down my leg and crotch like a scene from an 80’s movie.
I excused myself and went to the bar in the hope of evading her only to have her follow a few mins later and offer to push her husband into coming to us for his supplies if I’d be willing to “help her” with what’s she’s been “missing” at home.
She was inebriated, not unattractive, but I wasn’t going for that.
In order to get away from her I texted my boss and told him the guys wife was hitting on me and that I was leaving, he texted back that I needed to take one for the team! With a smiley face after…
Not hardly the first time I’d been hit on but I just had a feeling she was well practiced in doing this and it was just creepy.”
On Top Of Everything, She Was A Teacher!
“I arrested a woman for inebriated and disorderly at a popular beach bar. She had urinated all over herself so wrapped her in a casualty blanket so she wouldn’t destroy my patrol interior. The entire time she was telling me she’ll give someone pleasure favors to make the ticket go away and proclaiming her ability to pleasure men. We used pickup trucks for patrols, so we had to secure front cuffed prisoners to a pair of leg irons that were hooked to an eye bolt in place of one of the seat brackets. It was less then ideal but we needed 4 wheel drive and SUVs were just kind of coming to market (1982) so we made it work. As I began to take her to town for processing she managed to get her hand in the casualty sheet and began smearing body fluids on my dash and side window. I pulled over and called for a second officer in a cage car as I didn’t want any questions. Soon as he arrived at my location she began screaming the R word (the one where she’s accusing me of taking advantage of her) and calling me gay slurs because “no real man can resist” her. A crowd formed on the bars outdoor deck with her urging them on to about 50 people calling me a gay slur and then began wiggling in my front seat to reveal her chest.
Things were getting dangerous so we loaded her in the cage double speed and ran. Once down the road we had a matron from the jail meet us, she sorted the prisoner right out and they went to processing.
It wasn’t the name calling or mess, it’s the way she fired everyone up and basically incited a riot that got me on edge. So many could have been hurt because of one idiot and I was stuck in the middle. I don’t care what consenting adults do but when you draw others into the party and put them at risk it makes me angry and very uncomfortable.
She ended up getting 21 days, Inciting public and lewd acts were the high charges. D&D public and failure to follow order cost her $2500. I dropped the assault on peace officer as she would have lost her teaching certificate.”
I Needed The Dash Cam
“Years ago, I was driving for a very popular ride share service. I live in a small college town, and Wednesday nights one of the local bars has 90’s night that is very popular with the college students, and is a good opportunity to make some money driving them home. I got a ride request and went and picked up a girl who was very inebriated. The ride was not very long so I decided to take her, and I don’t usually have a problem taking inebriated people. As soon as we started driving, she started asking me questions, and what was at first friendly banter turned into for commenting on my size. I’m pretty tall and built pretty well. I wouldn’t say that I’m a big guy, but I guess I occupy more space then other dudes. She then started saying things like ‘If you really wanted to you could hold me down and I wouldn’t be able to stop you.’ ‘You could totally take advantage of me and I wouldn’t even have any way of preventing it from happening.’ After the second comment I told her that she needed to keep her mouth shut, and I turned my dash cam to face into the car and make sure that the microphone was on. When we arrived at her house, she dumped her purse on the floorboard of my car, so I put it in park turned off the ignition, got out, went around, opened the passenger door and told her get out and then took all of her stuff and set it all on the sidewalk and got back in my car and got of the out of there as quickly as I could.”
Is That A Sock?
“I worked on a bar-hop/pubcrawl for 2 years in my early twenties, I saw a lot of inebriated people and I mingled with them quite a bit. A lot of women, mainly older, would slap my butt and smile or try and give me a kiss when they drank too much.
I remember one pretty distinctly though. This older woman, prolly in her mid-40s was trying to chat me up all night, she was even following me around the bar when I was talking to other people. By the end of the night, when she had acquired enough liquid courage, she came up to me. She straight up open palm grabbed my package and whispered ‘Is that a sock you got in there?’ leaned back and smiled. It was beyond uncomfortable and I avoided her the rest of the night.”
Cougar On The Prowl
“Went to my cousins wedding about a year ago. I’ve been to a few weddings, and this one was pretty small with only family and a few friends of the bride and groom. After the ceremony and everything was over, the dance floor opened up. An older woman (at least 30 years older than me) came over and asked me to dance. I didn’t want to at all and told her I wasn’t interested, but she grabbed my arm and led me to the dance floor. She started talking to me about life, career, etc. and told me I was the hottest one at the wedding, to which I responded with “uhhhhhhhhhhh, okay”. She tried to teach me how to dance which went horribly (no adult beverages were served at the wedding) and eventually her son came over and joined our “dancing”. He wouldn’t stop staring at me. It was the most awkward and uncomfortable experience in my entire life. I usually don’t mind being forced/brought out of my comfort zone, but holy cow that was rough. I made up an excuse to get away from them and just talked to the photographer the rest of the night.”
I Got A Big One!
“Women make men uncomfortable all the time, we just rarely voice it because we realize it’s not a big deal.
First one that came to mind to me was when I walked up to get a drink at a bar, and an older woman grabbed my rear end tightly and held it.
‘Look, I got a big one here!’ She said to her friends of a similar age.
‘Do you think he’s big everywhere?’ one of her friends giggled.
As she lets go of my bottom she says ‘I don’t know, let’s find out’ and then proceeds to grab my junk.
She held it until I finally asked her if I could have my private parts back.
She scolded me for not being fun, and then I got my drinks, and went on with my day.”
“My most recent job, I worked under a physician’s assistant probably 15 years older than me who touched me all over, put her arm around me, scratched my shoulders in an aggressive way, called me baby, wrapped her arms around me and leaned her chest on me while I typed for her. Even in front of patients. Even as I repeatedly pulled away from her and pushed her off.
I reported her for harassment, but because she’s a woman and I’m a man, they pushed it under the rug and would only make an unofficial policy that I wouldn’t work one on one with her anymore.
I have literally dozens of stories of women creeping on me over the years. If we’re including women blatantly staring at my crotch while talking to me, looking me up and down, winking at me/giving me a lustful smile/staring and trying to catch my eye when it’s clear I’m not interested, hundreds or even thousands of stories.
I was abused as a kid, so instead of ‘feeling flattered’ or something, I hate it.”
Like A Costco Sample
“Second hang-out from a Tinder connection. No canoodling the first time but it went smashingly well. Anyways, she asks if I want to drink a few and play Mario Kart. I mean, yes, obviously. She comes over after her workout and asks if it’s okay to shower/change. I show her the master shower and specifically mention how I’ll also keep the bedroom door shut for additional privacy etc.
So I’m out in the kitchen on my laptop and she ends up walking out completely unclothed and goes ‘wanna play?’
Now normally one would view this as a win, and proceed accordingly. But in some bizarre combination of complete loss of allure/subtlety as well as having a rather undeveloped body (22 I think she was? And hey it’s all personal preference…but I was 27 at the time and it wasn’t for me) I then had to figure out how to essentially deny this woman without destroying her self esteem, while she’s standing there. If I recall correctly I went with something along the lines of the old ‘This is a bit fast for me’ etc line. Seemed better than ‘throwing yourself out there like a Costco sample isn’t appealing’. Although in retrospect it might’ve been a good learning experience.”
I Did A Drive By
“I use to commute via public transportation often back in the day. I got really good at dozing off in my seat and waking up one stop before mine. It was a regular 6am bus ride down town. Back then my beard was massive, more or less a Gandalf beard. I woke up suddenly when I felt something pull on my beard. Nothing hard or anything, like someone took their open hand, scooped it all up and let it slip through their fingers. I was so weird out and I looked and around but no one was looking at me.
A week or so later I get a message on OKCupid from this chick and we hit it off pretty good.
Ended up going on a date pretty quick. During the dinner and after a couple drinks, things were looking good so we went back to my place. When we got settled and then she drops this bomb shell:
“Remember last week on the bus, you woke up because you felt someone touch your beard? That was me when I was getting off on my stop. I did a drive by.“
Mind you, I never told her about that experience, that I ride the bus, or that I had ever seen her on it.
Every hair on my body stood on end and I found a graceful way to get her out of my place and I nope’d the heck out of that date. Found a graceful way to get her to leave. I’m not a fan of people touching me or any of my possessions without consent.”
Worst Birthday Of My Life
“A girl I worked with came to my birthday party one year. It was at a restaurant in my town. She brought beverages inside her purse. As the night went on I could tell she was into me but I wasn’t feeling it. When it came time to leave it was 2 AM. We all walked out to the parking lot together, myself, her, and about 9 of my friends. We were all hopping in our cars.
She came running over to my passenger side and just hopped in the car. I asked her what she is doing and she told me just drive. For some reason… I did. As I started driving she was like take me back to your house. I said for what? She asked if I had more beverages there. I replied to her that I don’t normally drink, so no. She followed up asking if I had any illegal substances there. To which I replied, again, no.
She requested I turn the car around and take her back to the parking lot to drop her off at her car. I said ok and I turned around. When she realized a few minutes later that we were headed back to her car she asked what we were doing. I told her I was taking her back to her car to take her home. She freaked out and told me if I didn’t sleep with her now she would never let it happen in the future. I said that was fine. When we got back to the cars I walked her to her car and gave her a hug and said sorry it didn’t turn out how she wanted.
As I walked back to my car she came over to the window and tapped on it. I rolled the windows down and she said you are never going to believe this but I locked myself out of my car. Its now about 2:30 AM when this happens and I am starting to get freaked out myself. Its just us two, in a parking lot. Cops could come by at any point and think I am the one doing something wrong. I said I would sit with her while she figured out who to call to pick her up.
She then took off her pants completely and started urinating everywhere. Again… we are in a parking lot of a restaurant. I get so annoyed I go walk to her car and try to force a door open and on the first try, her doors open. All of them do. She didn’t have any of them locked. She told me she wasn’t leaving until we made love and I started really panicking here.
I convinced her to lay down in her backseat facedown and I would start in a second. Once she laid there I sprinted to my car and used my automatic locks to lock all the doors. She came running over and started pounding in my door to let her in. I drove away pretty fast and yelled sorry.
I do stand up comedy and I worked for a retailer at the time as a manager. I was so worried that any allegation of wrongdoing on my part was going to mean getting fired from work and losing any stand up gigs I had going forward and it would just be her word vs mine.
On the way home she tried to facebook call me 60+ times, leaving four or five messages. She then also called one of my friends and told them I left her without any clothes in the parking lot and her doors were locked and she asked them to pick her up. He called me to confirm she wasn’t locked out.
This is the first time I have shared this story online and only maybe 10 people, including her, have ever known about this. Worst birthday of my life and never felt more uncomfortable.”
The Worst Kind Of Abusers
“Sure, yeah. I was abused by my stepmother and treated somewhat neglectfully by my mother when I was a boy, which is probably beyond the scope of this thread. However, probably because of that, I was a big, fat, ugly, loner of a dude for most of my life. I was married, and then divorced under circumstances that were excruciating to me, so that probably counts. What this question seems to be asking, though, begins after that.
During and after the fallout from the divorce, I began a very successful mission to lose weight – to the tune of a couple hundred pounds. As I started socializing again, I found myself in the unexpected circumstance of being treated like an attractive man, sometimes by ladies who seemed unconcerned with what my boundaries might be. I’d never been attractive before, and had no frame of reference for it in my mental model of the world, so a lot of what I’ve come to realize about my recent interactions has been in retrospect, after much confusion, and occasional advice from my very patient partner. Fortunately, most of it just flies over my head.
However, there were some moments that made me deeply uncomfortable as they unfolded. A recent incident at a large social gathering involved an unexpected grope in a sensitive location on my body. I turned my head, expecting to see my partner standing there (who else would touch me there like that?), but in fact, it was a friend who was probably up in her cups. Another friend, also a lady, then put her arm around my shoulder, and they both seemed to bond with each other a little bit over the whole thing. Among other things, I felt like a prop for other people’s amusement. I sat down in a relatively private place and texted my partner, who was also at the event. She was at my side shortly thereafter, and was incredibly supportive about it.
Both of these friends of mine were aware of my weight-loss journey, with the attendant struggle for self-esteem, and I attribute their forward behavior partially to intentions of benediction, but in the social quagmire, that touch was neither expected nor welcome. I’d also had a few drinks, and later in the evening, found the courage to address the initial touch directly with the friend who did it. She was very apologetic and contrite. Tackling it head-on seemed to be a workable approach in that case, but the whole thing definitely shook me up. I can imagine what people go through who get accosted by the less penitent.”
“I am married but it did not stop one of the ladies who worked for me to come after me. Sheryl. I did a Polar Bear plunge and the newspaper caught me with my shirt off jumping into the water and posted the picture in the paper. She said to a co-worker ‘God I would just love to touch and run my fingers through his chest.’ The co-worker she was talking to said to her ‘Sheryl….he is married.’ She replied….’I know…but accidents happen.’
Then the time when I was working in my office early on a Saturday morning and I look up to see Sheryl standing in my doorway. She had been transferred to another city and I said ‘Sheryl! What are you doing here?’ She said…’I will do anything, ANYTHING you want, right here, right now, and in the future for you if you let me transfer back and work for you.’
Where is the #MeToo for men?”