Take it from these guys, trust your gut before you tie the knot. If anything seems even slightly off, postpone that wedding.
Content has been edited for clarity.
The Clock Was Ticking
“To be honest I didn’t really want to be married to her; however she was determined to get married by age 24 regardless, and at the time I had significant difficulties saying ‘No’, I was working 60+ odd hours a week in a kitchen to help pay for everything and I was struggling with my mental health at the time and we grew further and further apart emotionally.
I found out less than 5 months into the marriage that she had been unfaithful to me for at least a year – so 6/7 months before the wedding, whilst she had been planning it she had been sleeping with other people. Whilst she had been putting serious pressure on me to provide £££ for her dream wedding she had also had an abortion because she didn’t know whether I would have been the father or not.
When I found this all out I basically had a breakdown and tried taking my own life, I also spent a few years after this blaming myself for the breakdown of my marriage and her behaviour.”
Not A Good Mother
“I had to show my friend a video I randomly came across of his wife in an adult film. They had just gotten married and he was deployed at the time. It was awful.
It turned out that she was taking their daughter with her to the shoots and having someone keep an eye on her while she filmed her scenes.
Needless to say, the divorce happened immediately and he got full custody.”
“My story is closely related, even if we weren’t officially married.
I was planning a wedding with my ex-fiance. I did most of the planning. I work as a nurse, and my father was dying of cancer on the other side of the USA. Between work, PTO taken to care for him, I wasn’t in the house much for a few months as my dad had taken a turn for the worst. Found out that she had been sleeping with her ex boyfriend both when I was working night shift and when I was in Cali caring for my dying dad. Broke it off 2 months before the wedding and lost a lot of money in the process. I still can’t believe that evil witch cheated on me while my dad was dying.”
MAJOR Red Flag
“On our honeymoon she didn’t want to do anything but fight, so I left 2 days early to be with my dog. Then she stopped wearing her ring and refused to tell people she was married, referring to me as her boyfriend instead. The final straw was when my grandpa was dying and she said, ‘I wish he’d just hurry up and die already. I’m tired of this apartment being so depressing all the time.’
Made it 4 months in all before filing for divorce.
To clear up some things:
We were together about a year, give or take a little.
The relationship seemed relatively normal until we got married. She had her share of issues (bad childhood, severe anxiety, bulimia) but I was dumb and thought I could fix them.
I had just had a really bad breakup with my girlfriend of 4 years a few months before meeting my first wife. We had made plans for our future (marriage, kids, the works) and the breakup really messed me up. I was insecure and afraid of being alone, so I probably would have married anyone. Young, dumb, and unaccustomed to heartbreak.
I may have gotten rid of the wife, but no chance was I getting rid of the dog. We took her and moved her far away and now she’s got lots of people around all the time to spoil her and fatten her with treats.
I took a few years being single and just learning who I was and wanted to me. I’m happily remarried, and this time it’s stuck.”
Going Too Fast
“Not me, but my brother. He got his first serious girlfriend during his senior year of college. He was doing a lot of different stuff with her and told me that he was really happy. I told him that I thought that was great, but that he needed to remember to take things slow. A week later he bought a ring.
Everyone in my family attempted to talk him out of it. Everyone. But I knew my brother was going to do whatever he wanted, so I just said ‘Sure.’ They rented a house, bought furniture, moved in, got married, and after a month, they got divorced. I think it was soon enough to get an annulment, but I’m not sure.
Main thing was that my brother wanted to move out of our hometown when he was finished with college. His wife was completely fine never leaving (I don’t even think she was going to school, she would just sit at home all day). So, that was that.
It Wasn’t Worth It
“My ex-wife was previously engaged to a man with a terminal illness. They were together for many years, but he broke it off ‘for her own good.’ She was also violated by her father and there was a lot of baggage that came with that. We were good friends in high school and reconnected over 10 years later. She was open with me about everything, so I knew was I was getting into.
With a broken heart, and broken family, she found comfort in an old friend, and what I feel happened was she mistook safety and normalcy for love. She was way out of my league by many standards, so I tried to give her everything she needed to make her happy. But she was dealing with a lot of mixed emotions. Because of her abuse, she rarely enjoyed getting intimate and thought she was letting me down as a wife, even though I told her I knew this going in and never expected anything and never pressured her one bit.
When she needed space, I gave her space. But when she needed somebody to talk to at first it was me, but I didn’t have the history that she and her ex-fiancé had. She would call him in the middle of the night at his third-shift job. At first, I tried to be understanding of it, but it hurt. I knew she still loved him, but he was already beyond the life expectancy for his illness and he pushed her out of the relationship. We struggled, tried separating, it was a roller coaster.
Things were back on the way up while lying in bed one night she asked me ‘Is it worth it?’ meaning all of the ups and downs we had. I said ‘Of course it is, I love you. As long as we love each other enough, it’s worth it.’ She looked back at me with a look of guilt, and that’s when I realized she didn’t love me. She tried to love me, she wanted to, but in the end, she had to be honest with herself and me. She hoped I would fix her, and I couldn’t.
Not another word was said, I got up and slept on the couch. Left for the final time the next morning.
I could tell she wanted out, but she was making an effort because she didn’t want to hurt me. Me leaving was as much for her as it was for me. Looking back, I don’t consider it a mistake. We took a chance, it didn’t pan out, I’m a stronger person now because of it.”
A Honest Woman
“I married an exotic dancer while in the army. Super smart I know… I thought I could make an honest woman out of her or something. I even tried my best to take care of her and her two kids.
Within a month of my deployment to Iraq, she stopped answering my phone calls. Finally, she sent me an email saying that she didn’t want to see me when I came home for mid-tour leave. She was already living with another guy while happily taking my deployment money.
I divorced her after I got back, and started talking to a captain who was a physical therapist. I was a sergeant at the time so the whole thing was kind of forbidden. Seven years later, we are married with two amazing children. She supported me financially while I went to RN school and continues to support me while in nurse practitioner school.”
She Spent HOW MUCH?!
“I’ll answer for a friend of mine who doesn’t have Reddit.
This girl was an ex that he had been in love with for years, even though she cheated on him and used him for his money.
Anyway, she came crawling back to him and they were married within the first month of her being back in his life. Super dumb, I agree, but it wasn’t my choice though I shared how stupid I thought it was.
Well, the first two weeks of them being married she managed to spend sixty thousand dollars of his money.
I asked, ‘Did you get a prenup?’, he said no. I laughed and said, ‘She’s going to cheat on you again and take your money.’ Absolutely insensitive on my part, I agree 100%, it was a rude move. He stopped talking to me for a week, then called me to hang out. He caught her cheating, again, with the same dude she cheated with before. I can proudly say I didn’t drop an I told you so, instead I advised he get it annulled immediately so she can’t go after any of his savings, investments, or assets.
So there it is. Bonus story, when he took back everything he bought or that was in his name, she broke it first. 10/10 classy broad.”
“She decided she wanted a baby. We did discuss everything before marriage and agreed to wait, but apparently, the kid was now too important to her to honor the agreement. Plus the wedding wasn’t even paid off yet and we were in heaps of debt. Still, she insisted. I insisted and decided to not sleep with her for several weeks. Feeling very, very rejected and angry, she spent our honeymoon money on hotel rooms to cheat on me with her coworker. They have two kids now.
No matter how I look at the situation, even if we didn’t go nuts on the wedding and started a family right away I know that she would have been a terrible partner and we would have ended in divorce. The idea of someone being so angry about being denied pleasure for three weeks that they felt justified starting an affair is not a sign of a good person.”
Less Than A Week
“I got a job in another country to start nine months later and at the time my ex and I were thinking of getting back together. We decided to enjoy our time together (we had regrets about our first go round and at least wanted to enjoy each other’s company before I left) and continue with a relationship.
During those months we traveled together and became a lot closer, including one long two-month trip. As the date for me to leave neared we panicked and found our only option was to get married.
We fought for months to make our way through multiple bureaucracies. On a break from work, I flew to meet her in a third country and we got married there. Then she got her visa and she was with me in our new country.
What happened? I wasn’t ready to be married and she wasn’t ready to be a partner in the grander sense of career and planning and whatnot. Mostly though I think it was just an impossible situation. From my perspective, I was exhausted from planning everything. She let me imbibe my worst tendencies towards laziness when I had imagined we would go do things together (it’s hard to be motivated to go out when it doesn’t seem like the other person really wants to). Whereas before the ‘what if’ question ate me up inside, after I realized these problems weren’t going away it was a pretty quick and easy decision for her to go home. I felt like we had tried our best and failed, and I was ok with that.
The whole thing fell apart in less than a week. I often question that, but always conclude the decision was correct. I think the problems that split us up existed long before under the surface so it wasn’t really out of nowhere. I do feel guilty because for her it may well have been completely out of nowhere.
I still sort of consider her my wife, we call each other ‘dear’ still, and if I ever got around to arranging the particulars I would have her inherit everything if I died. I don’t pine for her or love her romantically but she’s someone I cared for a lot.”
“She started feeling ‘trapped’ as in, my expectation of monogamy was too much. So she discovered polyamory, decided she wanted to be polyamorous with her boss, and that it was worth opening the marriage no matter what. She was surprised when I divorced her.
I’m 96% sure she didn’t physically cheat on me. Emotionally, yes. I think she put off examining her feelings about monogamy, me, and not knowing how to handle attraction to other guys until after the wedding when it all came crashing down. To be fair, she felt bad for hurting me and didn’t want to lose me either, but I just couldn’t live that lifestyle no matter how much I loved her.
It wasn’t easy or fun, but I do try to understand that she, and to a lesser extent I, made a mistake. A terrible one with consequences and probably more for me than her, but any time a relationship ends, one person will be hurt more than the other.”
“It Takes Two To Try”
“I came home from work one day and she said that she needed space. I told her ok, and she went to stay with a friend.
She texted me a couple days later that said, ‘she didn’t love me anymore.’ I said that we could try to get help or go to counseling, but she responded with, ‘It takes two to try and I don’t want to.’
I got a lawyer the next day. I was blindsided by the whole thing.”
Stranded On His Honeymoon
“In a nutshell, during our honeymoon right after the marriage, I found out she was cheating. Didn’t end it on the spot because I didn’t fully understand what was happening and we still had 1 week of honeymoon to go.
After getting back home I did some sneaky research and found out she cheated on me for 8 months… wasn’t easy at all to confront her but it had to be done.
We don’t talk to each other anymore.”
He Gave Her Too Many Chances
“Got engaged in June, 2017. Told her parents I wanted the wedding set up for June, 2018 but they arranged everything to be done in January, 2018 instead. Ok, I thought. No big deal. November comes and I notice her being secretive with her phone. Found her flirting with another man. Ok, I thought. No big deal. She’s probably just nervous about the wedding coming up. Told her to stop and hoped we could just move on. Come December, it was practically unbearable to be around her. Everything I was doing wrong and there was absolutely no way to please her anymore. Found out they were seeing each other while I was at work on the weekends…
Decided to ‘take a break’ and let her figure things out because the wedding was basically just weeks away. I thought she would take time to think about it but I found out that she was seeing the guy every day during the 1 week break and hooking up with him. At this point I just broke down and started crying, told her I’d forgive her if she still wanted to go through with the wedding if she was still willing to go through with it too. She agreed to stop seeing him and marry me but she said she wanted to see him just one last time to tell him. She went to see him and I later found out they went on a date activity (ax throwing) and dinner together… Probably hooked up too, who knows.
We left for the wedding the very next day after that and basically she told me not to ask her any questions about anything that happened during the break. After about 3 weeks in her home city we got married. Flew back to our home city and 3 days later she texted me while I was at work ‘Sorry but I’m not coming home to sleep this weekend’. She basically went right back to seeing that guy. Long story short, I gave her 2-3 more chances (she kept running back to me when things weren’t going her way with the new guy) and eventually found them hooking up when she wouldn’t answer my phone calls one evening. I just knew they were doing it so I walked in her apartment (they left the doors unlocked) and caught them in the act. Never spoke to her since. I think I just needed to see that to truly get over it. We were officially over after 3 weeks but basically the marriage died after just 3 days.”
He Should’ve Listened To His Gut
“I knew within a month but divorce is still pending. I was with my girl for 7 years, we’d known each other for almost 10 by the time we got married. Leading up I started to have doubts and I chalked it up to cold feet. There were definitely things I didn’t like about her personality which again I thought was normal for being with someone that long and I found myself not wanting to be physical with her very much.
Anyways I did the obvious thing and married her anyways hoping it would spark something for me, and lesson learned it definitely didn’t. I played it out for a while, we had a honeymoon scheduled a few months after the wedding. I, again, was hoping something would spark and I’d turn a corner with how I was feeling. The honeymoon came and went and nothing changed. Worst part was being in paradise seeing all these couples and knowing they were probably going at it like bunnies in their rooms while I didn’t really want to do anything with my now wife.
Fast-forward a little bit I was really busy so it was easy to play off, I was telling myself I would fake it until I make it but I found myself feeling more and more detached and I know I was getting distant, at one point she asks me what’s going on and I told her how I was feeling. Within a month I moved out, waiting now to do a (hopefully) non-contested divorce because it’s been too long for an annulment.
I messed up, I made a big mistake and I know it. Unlike a lot of these stories I never proved she cheated or anything, she is a nice person most of the time, wanted to be physical a lot more than I did in the relationship, I never cheated on her, we were just best friends, but at the end of the day I didn’t LOVE her and didn’t want to be with her physically. During the wedding I didn’t even think about my feelings until after the party was over I was just having a good time with all my close friends and family. I know I hurt someone badly who really didn’t deserve it, worst part is I don’t feel bad for how I feel, I feel worse knowing how she feels, and I’m really worried she’s going to get a lawyer and get back at me in the divorce.”
“Well this story doesn’t really belong because we married right after high school in 2011. Still currently married, but separated and paperwork has been finished for the divorce. I think this will help me in any case.
We were together for about 2 years before getting married and had already lived together due to my parents house being foreclosed. We got married and things were great. No issues. I was going to school and working full time. My wife starts a new job somewhere and suddenly starts texting this guy daily who worked under her. During this time I was getting roughly 4 hrs of sleep if I was lucky and under a lot of stress at work due to a promotion. So naturally, what free time I got, I’d play games to help with stress. I guess she didn’t like that I had a hobby and she didnt. I told her I had felt uncomfortable with how much they were texting. She wanted me to hang out and meet the guy, but it only angered me about the situation and created a bigger rift between us.
4 weeks after all this in September 2014 she said she was unhappy and was going to stay with a friend to decide whether she wanted to stay married or not. Most people would begin and claw and say no don’t go, but I’m the type to give people space when they need it. Week later she texts me that it’s over and she’ll be getting her stuff. For the next month I slept on the carpet because I didn’t have enough money for a bed. Worst months of my life.
5 or 6 months later she broke down while we were changing the car insurance to our own names. Turns out the guy was mentally and physically abusive. She was pregnant and he forced her to get an abortion because his family was religious and they weren’t married. Dumb old me had helped her through it all because I still loved her. She dumped him and I moved into her apartment. It lasted roughly 4 months after I dropped 3 grand on a 7 day trip to Disneyland. She let me know she still loved him. So, I saved money and left.
It’s late 2015 months after I moved out and she says she was pregnant and the doctor gave a pretty familiar date of conception. I was shaken at first finding out I was going to be a father. I looked past all of the horrible months I’ve been through and had her move in. My baby boy, Mycah, was born March 1st 2016. Happiest day of my life. Becoming a father was everything to me. Even the hardships of being a new parent with so much responsibility could keep me down.
5 months ago the guy texted her requesting a DNA test. Claiming it was his baby. That they had hooked up at a party during the dates of conception. She was adamant she knew it was mine and said he wasn’t even at the party. I finally said let’s get it so he’ll leave us alone. Took a DNA test. I wasn’t worried. I knew my little boy was mine. He was too perfect. In the back of my mind there was a worry of course. Finally got an email about the results. I opened it at work outside my office. Results read that I was 100% not related to my son. I collapsed. Right now marks 3 weeks of me being moved out. I know it’s nothing similar to what other parents have felt, but I feel like I lost my child. Others say it will pass, but I feel like there is no end to the pain I feel.
If you stuck through this whole story thank you. Enjoy the blessings of marriage and kids. Some aren’t as lucky. Know the person you are marrying. It will save heartache in the future.”