We've all heard of people trying to sweet talk their way out of a ticket, but these drivers went above and beyond in trying to convince a cop to let them go. Even more surprising is that in most cases, it actually worked. Read on and get inspired for the next time you see red and blue in your rearview mirror.
Not The Right Equipment For The Job.
“I was 18 and I was driving my little rust bucket around. My aunt needed a ride home from work. She was a large lady, likely 500 lbs. So my little Chevy Spectrum had some issues hauling her. While driving I constantly had to adjust as I kept drifting to the right. A cop pulls me over due to my erratic driving. He walks up and asks, ‘Son, have you been drinking?’ I say, ‘No sir’ and gesture towards my aunt. He smiles, stifles a laugh and told me to have a good day. No ticket for me.”
Texas Ranger To The Rescue.
“I was a limo driver for a couple years. I got an assignment to drive Chuck Norris to IAH. He’s shorter than you’d expect, by the way, and really getting old. When I picked him up, he was nonchalant but I was nervous. He told me to pick it up getting into Houston because he wanted to get to the President’s Club. So I drove through the speed trap that I knew would be waiting for me when the speed limit of Highway 6 dropped to 65. The trooper pulled me over and asked me if I had anything to say for myself. I told him, ‘Chuck Norris told me to kick it up a notch.’ And he gave me the dirtiest “try the other leg” glare. And Chuck Norris rolled down his window and said, ‘yeah, I told him to go a bit fast. Sorry. He’ll do the speed limit from here.’ This was right after Chuck Norris was made an honorary Texas Ranger. The officer said, ‘yes sir’ as he walked back to his car.”
When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go.
“I was on my way home from the hospital after having a bowel series done to determine why I was having so much abdominal pain. I wasn’t feeling too well when I left and got on the highway. I immediately felt the urge to crap like never before. I floor it looking for an exit before I crapped my pants. Next thing I see is a state trooper. I pull over, and as I lean over to get my insurance I see the release documents from the hospital and they state that I may get the sudden urge to evacuate my bowels. Trooper comes to my window sees me sweating and bent over. He asks me why I was in such a hurry, I just hand him the release documents and say I gotta go. He takes one look at it, hands it back and say, ‘Son the closet place is next exit get there and go, don’t want you s—ting your pants.’ Couldn’t believe he was human and understanding. I got to the next exit and destroyed a Jack in the Box bathroom.”
Fiction Turned Reality.
“So one of my friends who goes to another college was at a party when it got popped. The police questioned a lot of the people there, including him. He just flashed them a “get out of jail free” card. That’s right, the same one from Monopoly. The cop didn’t hand down any punishment and he was in the clear.”
Putting On A Show.
“Back in high school I got pulled over with a friend doing 10 mph over in a 25 at night. Being night, the cop had his spotlight shining through the car, in through the back window and out the windshield. So my buddy and I started making shadow puppets as the cop was running my license. I guess we caught him on a good night because he came back laughing, gave my license back, told me to slow down and sent me on my way.”
Tricky, Tricky.
“A friend of mine keeps a picture of a cop standing with her at a baseball game on her dashboard. When they ask about it she says it’s her dad. I’ve never seen it fail.”
The Muffin Man?
“My ex-fiancé and his best friend were high and driving around town when they got pulled over for speeding. Cop approaches window, ex rolls it down, tries to act normal. Cop says, ‘Do you know…? with a lilt in his voice and pauses. Before ex can stop himself he says, ‘The Muffin Man?’ Cop responds, ‘The Muffin Man?’ Ex says, ‘The Muffin Man.’ The cop laughed and let them off with a warning. Probably one of my favorite stories to this day.”
FLAVOR FLAV!!!!
“I got out of getting a speeding ticket because my friends and I were going to Flavor Flav’s now defunct fried chicken place. It was an hour away from where we lived and we wanted to check it out since it had been all over the news. The cop pulled me over and asked where we were headed. Once we told him he told us to slow down and have fun.”
An Unlikely Bond.
“Relevant background to my story is that my ex wife’s family was super rich and super crazy. Her mother would do things like, lock herself in the car with a knife, threaten to commit suicide, and have standoffs with the police in the driveway. Maybe a few similar incidents a year. They had gotten one of the new Thunderbirds when it was the Bond car. The wife and I take it down to Blockbuster, and on the way back I pull up to a red light next to a car with a few teenage kids driving a convertible mustang. The kid revs the engine at me. Against her better judgment she gives me the go ahead, and I absolutely waste them. I keep going, doing 90 or so in a 30 zone, and boom, a cop pulls me over. He goes, ‘you do realize you were going 60 mph over the speed limit and you’re going to jail?’ Suddenly my ex wife is like, officer, you know me, YOU’VE BEEN TO MY HOUSE. He says, ‘oh, your parents…’ He tells me to go home and never do it again. Not even a written warning.“
Seat Belts Save Lives.
“When I was still in high school, I was on my way home from a carnival and my bf had won me a gigantic stuffed bear. As a joke, I buckled it in the backseat. Got pulled over for speeding on my way home. Cop looked in my backseat, asked why my bear was wearing a seat belt. I said, ‘You should ALWAYS wear your seat belt in the car. Always.’ He chuckled, told me to slow down and walked away.”
Sweating Bullets.
“A few months back I was pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. I have generalized anxiety and the way that my body reacts to any sort of confrontation is beyond humiliating. So this officer is simply going through a very civil routine (taking my information, explaining what I did, etc) and I’m sweating, shaking, and stuttering when I try to talk. And for some unknown, godforsaken reason I spit out the words, ‘I feel like I have a kilo under the car.’ It was one of those moments where as the words were coming out of my mouth, time slowed down and I was filled with horror and regret. But he just started laughing and laughing, gave me a, ‘you need to see someone about that anxiety,’ and let me off the hook with a warning.”
Pop Culture Reference For The Win.
“My friend got out of a speeding ticket on Halloween. He was dressed up as Maverick from Top Gun and when the cop came up to his window, the cop said, ‘Maverick,’ and my friend looked him up and down and said, ‘Goose,’ and the cop just let him go.”
Testing Positive.
“I got pulled over and had the box from a pregnancy test that I took a few days ago on the seat next to me. I knew I was f–ked because I was doing at least 15 mph over the limit. When the cop approached, I blurted out, ‘I JUST FOUND OUT IM PREGNANT.’ He just looked completely freaked out/dumbfounded. He took my license and whatnot back to his car and then brought it back and told me to pull over if I’m upset when I drive, and let me go. I think this was especially effective since I was clearly young, unmarried and obviously poor (my car had duct tape on it). I laughed maniacally as I sped off.”
“I Love Stop Sign.”
“My father pulled over a teenager on his way to prom for running a stop sign and gave him the option to either take the ticket or go to the stop sign, hug it, and promise never to do it again.”
Piss-antly Surprised.
“Car filled with rowdy teenagers, gets pulled over. I’m in the passenger seat. My buddy is driving, with three friends in the back. He’s nervous, and begins to sweat. As the officer steps out of his cruiser and begins to walk up to our car, I rip the top off a bottle of water, dump it in the drivers crotch and fiercely whisper, ‘You just pissed your pants’ and shove the bottle under the seat as the office gets to the window. Officer leans down, and begins to say, ‘Do you know why I pulled you ov….’ and just stops. Then he looks at the driver, who’s nervous and trying to keep a straight face, looks at the rest of us, and just says, ‘Slow down’ and walks back to his cruiser. I still can’t believe that worked.”
A Stellar Performance.
“My buddy once got pulled over, so I swigged a big mouthful of water, dove out the back seat and proceeded to violently eject water out of my mouth and hack and wheeze over a guard rail. The cop just stood there and stared at me, then my buddy asked him where was the nearest exit with a CVS near by, because I had been doing this every 30 minutes on our long ride back from the beach. The cop gave us directions and let us go even though my friend was doing 20 over the limit. A few miles away, I sat up and proceeded to accept applause.”
You Can Only Get So Far On A Wing And A Prayer.
“I had a friend way back when who kept a dead wasp on his dash. When he got pulled over he would tell the officer that he’d been swatting the thing and inadvertently gone through the stop sign or over the limit. If I recall correctly, he got busted for resisting arrest when a Texas DPS trooper noticed the wasp was dusty.”
Yeahhhhhh Mannnnn.
“A friend and I were hot boxing and we got rolled up on just as we got done smoking and literally while the cops were questioning us smoke is still floating out of the car. He just started shouting that as long as we tell the truth it would be okay. Meanwhile my friend is all deer-in-headlights lying to the other officer, so I just shouted, ‘YES SIR WE WERE SMOKING WEED IN THE CAR IM SORRY!’. He thanked me for my honesty, yelled at my friend for lying to him, than said these exact words: ‘IT’S CALIFORNIA! IT’S JUST SOME WEED! DON’T F–KING LIE! NOT ALL COPS ARE ASSHOLES!’ Then he and his partner got in their car and left.”
Delicious And Helpful.
“One of my friends was caught speeding and had some chicken nuggets in his car. He stuffed some chicken in his mouth and pretended to be choking on it. When the officer walked up to his car, he was stunned and gave my friend the Heimlich maneuver. After the officer ‘saved’ him, my friend explained that he was only speeding because he was trying to get some help. The officer let him off the hook. Two weeks later and the same officer is given a honor badge for helping save my friend’s life.”
“Happy Birthday To Me.”
“I got pulled over for passing two cars on the right because they were pacing each other at 10 under in the left two lanes. The cop asked me if I was late to something. I said, ‘My dad’s birthday party.’ He asked if I had any proof of that. I lifted a box from the seat next to me that was wrapped in brown paper that said, ‘Happy Birthday Dad!’ in big letters across the top. He nodded, gave me a warning and I was on my way. I wasn’t actually late for a party, I just hid a quarter pound of weed as a birthday present.”
Oh, Canada.
“Once I was going 100 in 60 zone and he let me go after I said it’s just because I was sleepy and wanted to go to bed (that sounds like a bad argument). He said he didn’t want to bother ”good people like me,’ he was just concerned for my security. Yes I am from Canada.”
Happily Ever After.
“My father pulled over some girl going 20mph over the speed limit. He found her rather attractive and wound up asking her out. She was engaged at the time but thinking she could get out of the ticket, agreed to go on the date. Month later she (my mom) breaks it up with her fiancé and gets engaged to my father. They’ve been married over 35 years. Also the only ticket she ever had to pay. She didn’t get out of it.”
It’s A French Fry Emergency.
“I did an internship with a local PD, and probably the funniest no ticket that I witnessed was when we pulled a guy over for going 52 in a 40, and when the officer asked him what was his hurry, the guy responded, ‘I’m gonna be real honest with ya, been fishin’ all day and just eager to get home and eat my french fries.’ We both thought it was pretty hilarious and just let him go with a warning.”
Quick Thinking.
“I was actually pulled over once going 100 in a 70. As soon as I saw the cop I pulled over to the side of the road. I was already in park a half mile up before he even pulled out into traffic. He asked me if I knew how fast I was going, and I said fast enough to outrun you if I tried. He laughed, said probably, and told me to slow down. He walked away smiling and no ticket was given.”
No One Can Resist A S’more.
“Underage friends and I had a small campfire at a local park and had a couple of open bottles of booze laying around. Cop rolled up, we offered him a s’more, he ate with us, then told us to put the fire out and go home.”
Giving Them A Story They Won’t Ever Forget.
“I’m a Navy MP. One night the front gate guard called me (I was parked nearby) to tell me he thought the car he just let through was a DUI and it didn’t click until he’d already let them drive on. I caught up to them as they parked in the barracks parking lot. I parked behind them approached the vehicle. As I was about to begin my spiel (and I could smell the booze already), the driver waves his hand at me and says, ‘We’re not the drunks you’re looking for. Move along.’ Without batting an eyelash I leaned over, looked the driver and passenger in the eye and said, ‘You’re not the drunks I’m looking for. Have a good night.’ I drove away and parked in a nearby shaded area and watched them high-fiving as they went up to their room. I told the gate guard to let me know immediately if they left the barracks. To this day I hope to run into a guy telling the other half of one of the greatest stories ever.”
Pressing Their Luck.
“It’s 2:00 am, I was 17, and had 3 friends in the car all under 18. Our car is full of saran wrap and fireworks and I’m speeding. We get pulled over and the cop says we’re out past curfew and is calling all our parents and if they don’t know where we are and who we’re with we’re all getting citations. The cop leaves and my friend says, ‘I gave that cop my cell phone number.’ I’m about to scream when his phone starts buzzing. He picks it up and pretends to be his dad. It is only when a semi truck powers by that I realize all the windows are open. The cop ends the conversation and powers walks back to my window. He shines the light in my eyes and says, ‘Do you know what I’m about to do?’ I’m too nervous to answer. He continues: ‘I’m about to let some nice kids go. I called your friend’s dad and he told me everything, you guys have to head home now but I won’t write you up.’ He drove off and we carried out the night’s plans: fireworks and vandalism.”
A For Ahhhh Yeah.
“A couple buddies and I were going to Wisconsin Dells for ‘A Day,’ which is when you have an A on your report card you get free admission to the water park. I have a lead foot and was cruising at 70 in a 55 when BAM, cherries and berries. Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Yes sir, I was speeding. C: I clocked you at 72 in a 55; where’s the emergency?! M: There’s no emergency, my friends and I were just on our way to the water park for A Day. C: A Day? What’s that? M: If you have an A on your report card, you get into the water park for free. C: Really? Then give me your license, and all 3 of your report cards. With a confused look on our faces we complied. Copper takes our papers and walks to his car; 10 minutes later he returns and says: C: “I ran your information and you’re not wanted but there’s one thing I want all 3 of you to do. M: OK, what’s that? C: Keep up these good grades and enjoy the water park.”
